Here I am a moderate Democrat stuck in the body of a conservative evangelical Christian. Why can't I just be normal? Anyway, found this great quote from an interview with Jim Wallis:

"What would you say to an evangelical church that is beginning to think about moving beyond charity, such as feeding the poor, and to actually working for justice?

I would tell them, "You can’t just keep pulling people’s bodies out of the river without sending somebody upstream to see what or who is throwing them in." When Martin Luther King, Jr. talked about being the conscience of the State, I think he meant, "Don’t just be the servant of the state, meaning that you will clean up the mess caused by bad social policy. Don’t just put a band-aid on the sores of society. Don’t just be service providers—be prophetic interrogators." Why are some of the people shopping in food banks and soup kitchens as a way of life? Those are supposed to be a temporary solution. Why are working moms with children living in shelters as their permanent long-term housing? It’s supposed to be temporary. Domhild DeCamera, the wonderful Brazilian archbishop, said, "When I fed the hungry, they called me a saint. When I asked why people are hungry, they called me a Communist." The Bible is not just saying, "Let’s do soup kitchens." The prophets hold people accountable—kings, rulers, lawyers, judges, employers, decision-makers. The litmus test the Old Testament prophets used for a country’s righteousness was not its Gross National Product or its military fire-power, but how that country treated the poor and most vulnerable. A society is responsible not just for charity. The word justice and oppression is throughout the Bible. Karl Marx didn’t make up that word. Read Amos, Isaiah or Jeremiah. There is oppression in this world, unfairness. There is hard-ness of heart, structures and policies and attitudes that are unjust. The Biblical cry challenges them all the time. It is Biblical, part of that prophetic tradition, to speak the language of justice. "

Well, typical night with a teenager in the house. Michael was supposed to be home at midnight (curfew). At 12:10 we get a call and his car (my old 1986 Toyota Celica) is stalled on the side of the road. It's overheated. I tell him its probably a thermostat; just let it cool down and limp back home. Just then a highway patrolman pulls up behind him to check out the problem. I explain to the patrolman, over the cell phone, that he was trying to get home by curfew, but had car problems. He accepts that, but at that point I figure I better go help Michael. So we spend until 2AM leap-frogging the car home. Drive awhile, cool awhile. I presume its a thermostat, but it could be the radiator cap, or who knows what. Probably thermostat.

Got to mow the lawn today. Need to buy a little trim mower today so we don't have to spend so much time with the weed eater. Michael will be thrilled. ha I'm on the radio right now. Just talked to a fella in Virginia. But, I need to get off and get working on the lawn.

OK, so I'm not really questioning whether I want to be a lawyer. That's dumb. But what I do want is to be used by God. Being a lawyer can be my "tent making." Right, Paul? So I have to forget all the self-analysis and just try to joyously get involved in youth and childrens ministry every chance I get. That is...if that's what He wants me to do. Don't get "busy," just get effective. Or, maybe just get available.

Sue's got a new Bible study she's working on for Genesis. I think I'll see if I can help her with it.

The power outage in the NE came just as Elizabeth was leaving for Russia. Her plane went through Chicago, and then a straight shot to Russia. I was afeared that Chicago was going to shut down too, or that it would get so busy handling traffic from JFK, etc., that they wouldn't let her take off. But we talked as she was getting on the plane in OKC, and in Chicago, and all seemed well. She arrives today. PRAY.

I'm sitting here monitoring 17 Meters on my ham radio. I'm not used to working the WARC bands and I have to look at the band plan chart to remember where the band edges are. 17 Meters seems like a good cross between 15 meters and 20 meters. I hear lots of DX, like both of the other bands, but it seems a little calmer and quieter (like 15 meters). Neat band. Just had a good conversation, roundtable fashion, with stations in St. Paul and Lakesville, MN and San Antonio, TX.

I'm working on developing templates for some of my other pages for this site. It's slow, but I'm learning alot. If anyone needs to learn HTML, go to HTML Goodies web site. My problem is that I'm just not very graphically creative. I love to write, but I just don't have a brain for graphic design. So I find templates to play with.

I've also got to figure out what my "persona" is on this blog. How personal do I want to be? Who's my audience? Me, or you (or Him)? Or... no one.

For the first time in 30 years, I am questioning what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I have always loved being a lawyer, and have felt that it was God's calling on my life. I enjoyed getting up every morning and going to work. But I am hitting that point in life (50 was a magical number) where I am supposed to question my goals and significance. So that's what I'm doing. I don't know why; I just am. I still enjoy aspects of what I do; but the last couple years have taken some of the life out of it. I am rediscovering parts of my old love for the law, but it is slow and painful.

Strange, the place I feel the most comfortable is in youth ministry. But that's really improbable, on many levels. I'm 53 for goodness sake. I'm well aware that I look stupid playing with the kids in children's ministry; I look just as stupid trying to be a hip youth pastor. But I really do feel like the kids and the youth, for the most part, listen to me. Don't know why, but it seems like they do. Adults just see me as silly sometimes and wonder why I don't act "mature." But the kids listen. Go figure.

I also feel like the youth still have that capability to capture the "radicalness" of Christianity. When I became a Christian during the Jesus Movement in the '60s, we weren't about "church" and acting nice and being respectable. We certainly weren't about all becoming good conservative republicans for Jesus. We were about relationships and mission and outreach and abandoning your life to God. I see the youth as still willing to embrace that dangerous true Christianity. Some of it is silly and "youthful enthusiasm." But give me that any day over "appropriate behavior." Jesus did not die to make us "appropriate." So the kids listen. And when I challenge them with something, they really seem challenged, at least for a moment. Adults mostly just smile and wonder when I'm going to leave them alone.

But, I'm at the time of life where I'm supposed to be "producing for retirement." I've got a wife and three kids that still need me to make a substantial living. The kids are each in times of life where expenses can be high and they have little or no money to work with. If it was just up to me, and what I require, I could live in mom's old house, with my books and an internet connection (and a decent ham radio antenna). But it isn't just up to me. I've got 'sponsabilitees. Not just responsabilities...I've got people I love who depend on me and who I want to care for.

So I come into work this morning and Elizabeth has left a book on my chair (I guess her going away present to me...why is she giving me a going away present?) The book is "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado. She writes me a note that tells me I've got ministry to do. Whhhaaaattt? Where? How? Work with the kids at the church? Is that all? Isn't that plenty? If not, then...

So I guess this is just a roundabout semi-public (is anyone out there?) prayer. Show me; lead me. Yuch... that brings up my life verse: "Search me O God and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts and see if there be any hurtful way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." Ps. 139.

Can't believe that this will likely be Elizabeth's last full day at work, at least for awhile. She's off to Russia. God be with her. And God be with those that she has touched here and will touch over there. Follow her progress at Elizabeth's Russian Adventure

I'm listening to some tapes of Hocking's "The Universe in a Nutshell." Can't hardly get my head around it. Then I run across this. Would someone please explain this to me before I run out of brain cells? Ground-breaking work in understanding of time

VBS is over as of last night. Exhausted. But it was fun, and I think there were some kids genuinely touched by Him. So was that worth it? Duh. Now I've got to spend some time recovering my life (taxes to do, garage to clean, etc.).

Here's a quote that speaks a little bit to my previous article:

"Modern man believes he is fruitful and productive when his ego is aggressively affirmed, when he is visibly active, and when his action produces obvious results."
Thomas Merton
love & living

  Speaks to my question about how much of what we do is self-effort.  Not sure I know what to do about it yet.

  I'm sitting here in a Continuing Legal Education seminar and he's giving an introduction to non-profit organizations.  He thinks I'm taking notes.  I'll start taking notes later when he gets into something a little more complex.  Right now I'll write this.

  I think that VBS didn't draw as many kids as we had hoped for.  But, so what?  We prayed and asked the Lord to bring the kids that he wanted there.  We've got to believe that those kids are there.  That means we have divine appointments there this week.  Even though there may not be as many kids as we had hoped for, all the work we did was worth it for each and every one of the kids that did come.  Which kid are we going to look at and say, "You weren't worth all the work we did."

  This brings up the whole subject of children's ministries.  Sometimes you wonder how much these kids are really understanding about the gospel.  Are we wasting our time?  Are we just trying to make ourselves feel better through our "effort?"

  Sometimes we are just doing it for our own effort.  But He tells us to bring the children to Him.  Mt. 19:14.  That is not a suggestion.  Even if our motives are wrong, we must look to Him to bring results anyway.  If the kids can't understand, then why would He tell us to bring them?

  Part of the problem is that we often don't take seriously the "decision" of a child.  I don't know at what age "salvation" can occur (not my job to know that).  But He directs us to work with them.  There's got to be a reason.  If it's just to show them His love, so they can remember that and make a later salvation decision, then that's OK.  If it's just to give them an initial good activity in "church," so that years later, when the crunch comes, they will be more likely to come to the church (and meet Him).

  The results of our efforts are sometimes hidden, often delayed.  But if we proceed in prayer, then we know that the results of our efforts are in His hands.  Best place.

  It's been raining and storming real hard here tonight.  Michael wants to go see a movie with some friends from Dayspring (a Christian camp he just got back from).  He also just got his driver's license a few days ago.  If it's raining when it's time to go, I won't let him.  Don't want him to drive in the rain, at night, until he has more driving experience.

Wow!  Our first day of VBS 2003.  My legs are sore from jumping up and down to the "Hop" song (thanks loads, Jane).  I don't think I've ever been so tired.  But the kids seem to be getting a lot out of it.  My site is all about not conforming to the world, but being transformed.  This VBS has a space theme and we're having all kinds of fun naming things (like my Intergalactic Prayer Transporter).  Off to work now.  Actually, I'm off to Continuing Legal Education...yawn.

This has been a long, but fun, day. Our church (First United Methodist Church of Jenks, OK - JUMC) has been getting ready for vacation Bible school. I'm going to be an Astronaut in Marvin's Spectacular Spaceship. Lots of people doing a lot of work. There are rooms to decorate, copies to make, registrations to take and Time Machines to build! What's it all for? Are we just doing Church busywork? Is this all just a distraction from the Kingdom? I don't doubt that the kids are worth it; what I wonder is whether we really reach them. Out of the 120 that we'll have at VBS, how many will develop new, or deeper, walks with the Lord?
What am I talking about? Each one we touch, even if it's just a few, is of infinite value. The Lord can work through us; it's up to us to let Him. We can't do the work ourselves; it's His. So, I pray that we adults be available, and transparent, so the kids can see Him through us. And help us have a ton of fun too. JUMC could use a few good laughs after the last year.