briefermadness

Green dots.

I have been told to write about you. Green dots. Where do you come from? Where must you go? Have you been sent here to observe us by some alien life form? Are you an alien life form? What if you were and you took over our world? What would that be like?

Your home planet would be the green dot planet. That must be quite a place. Spinning silently. Do you have blue oceans, or are they some sort of guacamoleous green? Why would you leave a planet with oceans of guacamole? Looking for chips, I suppose.

Is that what you want? Our chips? You would only need those Doritos-like chips. Potato chips are too flimsy to use for guacamole dipping. They would break off in your ocean and you would end up with chip flotsam (no jetsam) all along your guacamole beaches. And probably no cheese puffs. The cheese puffs could handle a guacamole ocean without breaking and being flotsam, but you just don't see people dipping guacamole with cheese puffs. So you came for the Doritos.

So take our Doritos. You won't get any fight from me. But let me give you a little friendly advise, earthling to alien conqueror. Do not do your Doritos sweep during Super Bowl weekend. If you value your green little dotty lives, do not even try it. My people will die for very few things. But they will protect their Doritos.

And your trees. Do you have green trees? You live in the trees for protection from marauding other things on your green dot planet. Those other things chase you up the green trees and you just blend right into the little green dot leaves. So clever. Until the wind comes up and off you go with the breeze.

That's how you learned space flight. To be conquered by green dots. Oh, the shame. Go back to your guacoplanet with your Doritos. Leave us alone.